Since I published the previous post yesterday I had a stream of comments from fellow people, performers, models, promoters etcetera telling me they feel the same, that they prefer their own company and like to stay involved more in a happy bubble than go sit awkwardly in a large group.
But I wonder if these people do similar to me, to gravitate towards extroverted people in the hope that it will help you to somehow gain the confidence and ability to talk to others and somehow by osmosis become an extrovert yourself.
Once you are an introvert it is highly unlikely you will suddenly change, you can't change your personality and I'm sorry to tell you but being an introvert is part of you. But that is a good thing, that is what makes your conversations (once you get into the swing of them) more interesting, deeper, meaningful, that's what makes you loyal and loving to those you care about rather than surround yourself with acquaintances, that's what makes you use your imagination, be thoughtful, seek knowledge.
I'm not saying by any means that extroverts are less imaginative or thoughtful, but I do know we probably have more time to do these things as people who prefer to stay in to do such things!
I don't long to be an extrovert, but I do long for sharing drinks with friends without feeling awkward, to not dread going to a party if its friends, strangers, or even family, to feel like a loser because you kill time wandering around alone. It would be nice to just feel comfortable in the presence of others rather than freaking out internally while trying to remain calm.
If you ever see my eyes darting around a lot when in a group, that's me panicking....!
I feel calmer with my partner by my side, someone's hand to hold onto but still there are occasions when it's just too much and I withdraw from everyone, including him, till I get home and calm down a little. I start to worry that people find me weird or don't like me so I feel strange around them and misinterpret everything as them not wanting me around. If I can't get my words out, feel purposefully excluded, I start to feel more awkward. This has happened on so many occasions and I will share one with you.
A few years ago I tried to become closer friends with a group of girls that I knew, individually I got on with each of them fine and got on well one to one. But we always used to go to the same gigs and pubs etc. I would usually get there before anyone as I would go for the start of the band, so I would grab a table and a drink. Usually these girls would turn up together and get a table somewhere else, tho I may have had spaces for us all. It made me feel so horrible and I started to refuse to go along, I'd get upset over it and felt like they hated me so I haven't stayed in touch since I moved. I still don't understand why they would do this, if they didn't see me, or just didn't actually like me but to exclude me so really knocked my confidence terribly. If I see similar behaviour in others I immediately give up.
I wonder if fellow introverts experience such behaviour from others, or if it really is just me.
That is why I have added this example in here.
But I guess I will never change, and neither will the people around me so I have to learn how to cope, to deal with situations, not take things so personally or maybe just figure if that how some act would I really want them around anyway? Answers on a postcard please....! Okay, a comment will do...