A not so Brief Encounter

On Friday night I was in Germany, getting ready for my second act at The Queen Calavera when Beau Rocks came back from doing her act and told me there seemed to be an all male troupe in watching the show. I was intrigued, what kind of show? And in Germany? I wanted to know more.

I introduced myself and was surprised at the mix of Australian and American accents, we spoke and I eventually asked why they were in Hamburg. 

The penny finally dropped (it probably took a while with how tired I was that whole weekend) that this was the cast of Briefs, the show that everyone I know in cabaret was talking about during the summer. We made plans to try and see the show when it was in London but never quite got the chance. A chance meeting with the cast in a small burlesque bar in hamburg seemed surreal but it was lovely to get to meet the cast, drink with the cast, and dance with the cast into the wee hours. 

The highlight on Friday was gogo dancing onstage to Nancy Sinatras 'These Boots Were Made for Walking' with Evil Hate Monkey and the youngest cast member Louis who had all the youthful energy of a 19 year old. 

The cast invited us to see their show the next night, only the second night of the shows run in the Fliegende Bauten theatre near to the Reeperbhan, and we couldn't wait! 

The next day we nursed our hangovers, did a quick Photoshoot and then ran to the show, we were lucky enough to get front row seats next to the stage and waited for the show to begin. Some of the cast came to chat to us while handing out mysterious raffle tickets to everyone in the audience before the show started.

They disappeared and soon the lights dimmed.... Onstage appears a sea of white feathers, opening the show with an amazingly choreographed fan dance number that you would expect to see in a classic musical. The difference being the more modern music, UV lights picking up the feathers, and of course the cast of boys throwing some stunning shapes, poses and gestures with the fans. We were blown away, we whooped and cheered our lungs out and it was only the first act.

The second was Evil Hate Monkey who seemed to dissolve us into hysterics every time he was onstage, the character so perfectly executed, his dedication obvious, energy and skill levels leaving us wide eyed and open mouthed. 

I won't reveal all of the details of the show as this is one event that really has to be seen, an amazing mix of skills, dedicated training, comedy timing, and a fantastic cast that not only were amazing onstage but lovely in person. I haven't talked about much since, and my boyfriend who is also a boylesque performer, is possibly either sick of hearing about it, or dying to see it too. 

The acts ranged from hula hoops, aerial acts, drag queens, insane comedy, and some tricks I have never seen before used in this way (Louis was a particularly shocking act to us, who had cooed over him the night before as any woman nearing her thirties might, but as he refused to tell us what he was going to do onstage we shrieked when we finally did see his act!), acrobatics, genius group numbers, and so so so much more that the time flew by and we just wanted to see it all again.

I highly recommend this show, which is running until January at the Fliegende Bauten, I have worked for nine long years on the stage and never have I seen a show more perfectly executed, with one number flowing into the next, more spectacular, and more fun than this, from opening number to the spectacular finale. We left with sore hands from clapping so much, a sore stomach from laughing so much, and a sore throat from so much cheering throughout the acts. 

If you live near, in or are planing a trip to Hamburg this show needs to be on your to do list, written really big, highlighted, covered in glitter, and surrounded with gold stars.

I shall never look at tightly whiteys in the same way ever again. Also you have to go to find out just what those raffle tickets were for. If anyone needs me, I'll be here planning a sex change so I can get involved!

The loss of the Band in the Brand

On friday Primark released a helpful blog that explains just exactly who those bands are that you can now buy the T-shirts, cushions, even bed spreads of in their store and why they are just so cool. At no point do they suggest any of their albums, or god forbid, listening to them.

To a seasoned music lover such as myself it would read rather patronising but to the average Primark shopper I'm sure its a helpful guide to who's who and what's what.

It opens on the Ramones explaining they wore jeans and had a lot of hair, and are labelled as the first punk band, I would say it was Television in my opinion, the band Malcolm Mclaren liked so much he decided to rip off their look and give it to the Sex Pistols, but this has no matter to the designers, workers, or patrons of Primark.

The only good thing about these designs is at least they have the original logo, Johnny, Joey, Dee Dee and Tommy all taking pride of place in the circle and no mention of Marky Ramone or, thank god, CJ.

Other bands mentioned include The Beatles, who wore 60's suits throughout their career apparently, The Rolling Stones, Fleetwood Mac, and many more whose entire career has been handily whittled down into one unimportant sentence with no mention of the music they created.

If you would like to read these useful descriptions you can do so here - http://m.primark.com/whats-new/article/186

Primark aren't the only guilty party, H&M selling Guns and Roses, Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath, Joy Division and even The Sex Pistols T-shirts in case butter money isn't quite enough. H&M's main target being the slightly more discerning shopper who prefer the wider ranges of british (and one american bands) music at a slightly higer cost than Primark charges.

Topshop probably selling their band tshirts at a similar price to those once independant music store owners who would stock a wide range of music t-shirts aimed to be bought by people who liked the music. Here you can nab insensitive two armed Def Lepard baseball tops which would be shunned by their one armed drummer, sleeve flapping in the wind uselessly...

Roxy Music, Slayer, David Bowie, Blondie, The Doors, The Who, and many many more have been given this mainstream cheap culture make over and you can now declare you know of music via your chest at the small cost starting from £8.00.

Courntey Love even manages to make yet another quick buck out of her long deceased husband by allowing Nirvana T-shirts to be sold at such a bargain price.

Most of the younger kids wearing these would have heard of these bands somehow, if it's from the cover versions ineptly sang on Glee specialist episodes where they learn week by week that there was music before GaGa, they do still love GaGa tho, and belt out what were once iconic songs to fill a primetime spot on Americas Tuesday night television. 

If they aren't fans of Glee, and these days who isn't, maybe they saw their favourite celebrity wandering the streets wearing a band tshirt that you can buy cheap on the high street, thank god for paparazzi eh, or how else would you know what to wear?!

I remember a time when you had to go to specialist stores to buy tshirts of the bands you liked, usually they wouldnt have your size so you chose to either wait or buy it anyway to cut up and fit to your body. 

I made friends with the guys who owned these shops, I spoke to them a lot and when I could afford the prices it used to cost for such specialist items I would get them as I loved that band and their music so much.

I recall one visit to the store with my then boyfriend at the time where I found a Clash 'Know Your Rights' tshirt in my size, happy as I was my ex declared I had to prove I knew how that song went before I could buy it. Of course I did and was allowed but felt my rights had been exercised that day. I wonder sometimes why it took me so long to leave him, that day should have been the one. 

It was a common thing then that music lovers everywhere would question your knowledge on the bands you were advertising across your person, asking you to name an album, who the band members were, where your ramones T-shirt may come in handy, or tell them your favourite song of that bands back catalogue.     

I wonder sometimes if someone somewhere is still doing this, or if they have all spontaneously combusted after so many recent attempts, leaving behind only a smouldering puddle of resentment. 

I used to own a lot of band T-shirts, and still have some. My favourite was a bright yellow X-ray Spex tshirt that I bought from a small punk shop in liverpool, which featured Poly Styrene dancing across it, which I wore when studying art at university, all chopped up and tied back together. I don't recall whatever happened to it but I wish I still had it. I also bought and wore a Crass tshirt, not being a fan of Crass I admit, but I liked Gee Vaucher the female artist who designed their album covers, so wore it and still have it regardless. 

I keep these tshirts usually tucked away deep in my drawers, a memory of what once was and who I was back then, maybe I'll wear one on a rare occasion but if I ever decend to Primark I will never leave with any of their incarnations. Unless, that is, they make a Rolling Stones Tshirt featuring the Marianne Faithful news paper headlines at the time.

Who can go wrong with a Primark Mars Bar Party?

The highs and lows of being a stock model

A few years ago I travelled over to St. Helens near Liverpool to do a stock shoot. I was paid for modelling and treated well, they had built a circus themed set with curtains, a hay covered floor, even a swing and we set about doing various poses and styles for the next few hours.

After the shoot I went home, probably drank tea and watched my boyfriend at the time playing Call of Duty with his friends, I can't really remember as it was years ago.

I thought nothing of it for the next year or so, it was just a shoot I had done and as I'd been paid it was just work. Occasionally I'd get a message from someone that they had seen my photo in a company newsletter, then in a magazine, once it even graced the cover of an Australian magazine someone was kind enough to have sent to me. 

I've never just come across them myself, people always found them and let me know, unsure if I knew my image was getting used for such things. I know they are being used but I have no say in the matter, that's what stock photos are for.

Sometimes the results were comical, advertising storage units off the motorways, sometimes kinda cool, as giant banners in a Las Vegas casino. People send me snapshots of these things all the time and it's interesting to see how far they've spread. I'm sure there must be so many more out there in this big wide world I'm not even aware of!

But there's the highs and the lows, I got paid yes, but not that much as I didn't think they would be used as much as they have. Is it down to my stunning good looks (that I apparently stole off either Rita Hayworth or Drew Barrymore depending on individual opinion), the costume which I made myself back in 2010 maybe, with its sparkles and top hat it has appealed to a mass market of people who like girls in top hats? Or the subject matter which seems more or less to be used out of context.

Three examples for you, the first kinda good as it was a giant poster next to the Eiffel Tower and also used in the Paris metro advertising a woman's football team. What whip brandishing ringmasters and football have in common I have no idea, or if it even football it's advertising as I don't speak French and went with what I'm told?!

God knows how big it is, I'm kinda glad I didn't see this myself as I would have stood open mouthed staring trying to figure out just what's going on in this poster and claiming to the locals "Moi! Moi! Est moi!"

The second is one of the lows I shall say, of all the things my face may get put to his wouldn't be one I expect. Maybe I look like someone who has had an issue of this sort before? Maybe I look like someone who gets regular smears? Maybe I just look like a lesbian? I haven't a clue.

Although the advice didn't actually come out of my mouth, it's good advice none the less.

This advert has been doing the rounds for a few years and frequently get sent or mentioned to me. It no longer amuses me I must say, cervical tests are just part of life, wether you choose to do it onscreen or not is your choice.

The last is quite cool, I used to play these games myself but no longer have an xbox or a disposable income so didn't know about this until a friend sent it to me, I friend I used to play alongside online in a previous incarnation of this game. 

Yes that is a gun pointing out a poster of me, which I received alongside a bunch of other screen shots all over the game decal (i got my other half to ask his platoon in planetside 2, that's what they said the right term is) in the new Call of Duty Ghosts that's recently been released.

Of course I posted this online as a "look where I've turned up now!" post but it lead to the usual questions "did you know?" No. "Did you get paid for it?" Well, yes three years ago when I did the stock photos and probably not enough considering how much it's been used. 

I have no regrets for the shoot I did no matter how much it's been used, but if I was to ever do one again, I would most likely charge more.

I'm a stock photo goldmine!